There’s a message board that I visit regularly, but don’t participate in often. It’s a varied group of women, ranging from teenagers to senior citizens. Now, they all have one thing in common but I’m starting to notice something else and it sort of boggles my mind.
There is a Rant section of the board where people will air their frustrations and look for support or advice. Being that it is a board full of women, inevitably a post about a husband or boyfriend will pop up where the original poster is worried about their SO cheating on them. Sometimes it will just be the guy acting funny or other times it will be emails or texts that the woman found while snooping.
First, I’ll admit that I’m guilty of snooping. I didn’t find any necessarily incriminating evidence, but I also didn’t like what I found either. I let it go – stupid me.
Anyway, that’s beside the point. Now these women who post their concerns about their partner that’s cheating, will ALWAYS be encouraged in follow-up posts to continue their snooping. Rarely will the responses encourage her to actually speak with her husband and express her concerns. I’m not sure if these women replying actually have the OP’s best interests in mind or if they just want to watch the soap opera unfold.
I’ve got to admit, this sort of approach to the situation kind of boggles my mind and bothers me. I can understand the premise of wanting to gather evidence and the fact that confronting your partner would probably alert them to your suspicion and make it harder to do that. At the same time, there’s this voice in my head that wants to know why you don’t just spit it out and confront them with it.
Is it because if they ARE cheating, they’re going to lie anyway? Okay, I can see how that makes sense, but if you’ve already got proof (the evidence that sparked your suspicion in the first place), why not just use that to show them their game is up? Is it so much better to be in the relationship, constantly wonder if he’s really out with the boys rather than taking that stand?
And this is coming from one of the most non-confrontation people you’ll ever meet.
Do you not do it because you’re afraid of the consequences? You don’t want to upset them? Okay, I can see not wanting to let your partner know you’re having doubts about their fidelity. That could put a strain on the best of relationships if done the wrong way or at the wrong time. On the same token, wouldn’t a caring partner want the chance to put your concerns to rest, hopefully realizing that on our worst days, women can be totally emotionally irrational people?
I guess I just don’t understand how a grown woman can allow herself to be tortured for days on end and get to the point where she’s in tears and ready to start following her partner around without them knowing. Just to be sure they’re not cheating. I think what’s more confusing is why other women would be ENCOURAGING this behavior instead of encouraging her to stand up for herself and confront the problem.
Is it that women are just, at their core, conniving and manipulative? Do we need drama so badly that we like to draw these things out? Or is it because we’d rather wallow in the misery of a possibility than actually deal with it as a reality?
I do have to say, I have never encountered such a distrustful group of women in my life. I’ve read vents that basically encourage other women to control their husbands’ every move because they could be cheating. Things as small as forgetting a wedding ring after washing their hands or only going a certain place for haircuts.
I just do NOT understand the mentality. I’ve dealt with a partner that lied to my face and cheated behind my back, but I have never viewed men as a whole with such distrust as these women. I think the thing that amazes me the most is I’m younger than most of them.
Maybe I just haven’t been there and done that and that’s why I don’t understand. Maybe I’m too trusting and that’s why I was with someone that had been betraying my trust for months before it finally ended.
I just can’t imagine rightfully encouraging someone else to bottle up their worries and potentially get themselves into a bigger mess rather than just confronting the problem head on.
Like I said, maybe I’m weird. Maybe it’s a generational thing.
I just had to rant this out before my head exploded from confusion.
